Savage Doctors

Ottawa Boy
I wait until saturday morning. About 5:30 am.
My in with my fave taxi driver to avoid the ravages does me no good because , guess what ? He works late into the night. He's asleep right now.
I' aint bussing it. Not when I'm throwing up at random with little or no warning. Ambulence time.
They go slow , put me on a thin, uncomfortable stretcher. Rag me about how busy the hospital is on saturday mornings. Get there, the waiting room is empty. Yeah , right. You guys are real jokers. I mentally pat myself on the back for avoiding the rush hour and getting a decent nights sleep out of the deal.
Vampiric Nurse. Lets just get a few blood samples going here ... OWWWWWW !
Oh, you're here because you throw up ? Put me on a stretcher right away. Bonus. I can lie down and snooze. Lucky too.
THIRTEEN AND A HALF HOURS LATER , thats right , 13.5 hours ! I get admitted. I protest ! Thats a rediculous wait time ! Thats Insane !
I was prepared. Bag loaded up with books, change of underwear, the whole nine yards. This was the second time in a week after all.
Oh , I really shouldn't complain about the wait. I got an x-ray and a SECOND cat-scan during that waiting period. Did I mention george had to wait a year to get one cat scan and I'd now had two in the same week ? Ok , I'm a complainer, but truth be known george didn't tell me about his year long wait until after this incident , so yeah , I was pissed.
There is a special torture , I mean treatment , in the hearts of all doctors. It's called go-LYTELY (prounounced "go lightly") . Basically they mix up 4 liters (that's right LITERS ! Almost an Imperial Gallon ! ) of this stuff and you gotta drink it so they can do a test of some kind tommorow. So start drinking.
Well... it tasted kind of neutril at first. Then it tasted sickly. Then vile... then it got bad.
The whole night , and until like 3pm the next day , I didn't sleep . I didn't eat. All I did was sip at this go-LYTELY slime and try not to barf it up. It was an unending nightmare ! When I did doze off for a moment All I dreampt about was that it was time for me to take another sip of pig snot , the clock is running , you gotta get this into you or they gonna make you start all over with ANOTHER four liters if the stuff expires.
4 oclock in the after noon rolls around. I got like 90% of the stuff into me. It's flushing out the other end like a water fall. Good enough. They can do their test now.
Yeah ! The nighmare ends ! Hurray !
So , whats that hose thing you're holding in your hand ? Attached to this big rack of equipment including a video camera ? Oh , well now that we've flushed out your lower intestines and got it nice and squeaky clean ? We're going to stick this camera up there and have a look around.
YOU'RE GOING TO DO WHAT ????
Well.. I'm almost done. How bad can it be ? And they were going to give me some kind of narcotics to relax you. People do this sort of thing for entertainment right ? Homosexuals and stuff ? You always hear stories of them winding up in the hospital because they had some object , even a glass or something stuck up there. It can't be THAT bad !
Apparently they could here the screaming from the far side of the hospital.
It's jammed. It's blocked, it won't go in any farther.
Oh my god please stop.
Don't worry , i"m an expert ! Jam it harder !
AAAAAHHHHHHH !!!!
Hmm... still doesn't fit. Oh well. Still got some good images , just can't do the whole colan. And we'll take a biopsy and see what shows up.
People do this for entertainment ? Pain is fun ?
Sigh... it's finally over.
My sister , and my brother, and my friend george has shown up. We chat with the nurse while the doctor is writing stuff up he'll talk to me in a few moments.
"Do we know what it is ? " I ask.
"Yes, but I can't tell you. "
"Is it curable ? "
"Yes. "
Ok then.
Doctor walks in.
"Don't worry , she said it was curable. You can say it in front of them, I don't mind. "
Doctor looks at this small crowd of people, and then at me. Sigh. Says one word.
"Cancer. "