Evil Vampiric Nurses

Ottawa Boy

So I arrive at the hospital. On a friday afternoon, note in hand specifying an ultra sound test, at about five thirty. Receptionist / Nurse / Whatever she is takes my ohip card, the note. Says ok. Take a seat.
I take a seat.
Twenty minutes later my name is called. Wow, and this place is crowded too ! A doctor already !
Nope. Just a clerk. Name , address, your hospital card is 10 years out of date, lets update the info and give you a new one. Stuff like that. Thanks, have a seat.
I cannot help but notice an annoying sign off to the side. Waiting time to see a doctor is 3-4 hours.
Six thirty or so rolls around. Nurse calls my name . Ultrasound test ? No. Just blood work.
Emergancy room nurses are the most jaded nurses on the face of the planet. The rules say I must count down 3 - 2 -1 ... but no, I don't want to see it coming just jab me with the stupid thing and get it over with quick. "Sorry, against proceedure."
"But ... "
" three two , one, it's going in now"
Naturally , distracted as I am , I look at her, and then where she's looking ( my arm where's jabbing me) at that point without thinking, it's just human nature to do that.
OWWWWWW !
She tried to hide the smile , but failed.
Well, it's only one needle, then they just change the little vial on the end so they can get as many little vials of blood as they want from one needle jab, so I didn't have to go through that again. But gawd ! She did that on purpose , I swear she did !
Blood tests will take an hour. You can continue to wait for the doctor now, and when he see's you he'll have the blood tests to look at as well as his examination.

Nine thirty rolls around. Does the hands pressing on my belly thing. Thinks about it for a while. Then goes and gets a more senior doctor. This guy does the same thing but he's a lot rougher about it. "You need an x-ray. " he said.
"I thought I was in for an ultra sound. "
"Ultra sound department closes at four thirty on fridays. "
Stupid little $#^&&$% Nurse ! Probably knew that the moment I walked in the door and didn't tell me !
"We're going to get you an x-ray. Wait here"
An hour later. "X-Ray department is booked up. They WILL call you tommorow for an appointment. " (Saturday)
I've heard this before. "Can I get a phone number ? "
Just use the regular hospital one. They WILL call you, he repeats with a bit more emphasis on the word WILL.

Five am saturday. Wife gets up to go to work. I move over to her room, which has a phone (We SLEEP together, but we don't sleep together, if you know what I mean. Snoring and all that. ) and I basically sleep by the phone all day.
Four o'clock in the afternoon rolls around. I've already called them and gotten a hospital operater who informs me that the department is closed until monday. No call from them. I go to work.
Four o'clock sunday afternoon rolls around. No call. I go to work again.
Monday I have off (I have a weird schedule, I never get weekends off ... which it seems is lucky since half the hospital is closed on weekends anyways) I sleep by the phone anways, figuring I'll camp on their door step later when I get up and find out whats going on. I get the call.
Go in. The x-ray has now been upgraded to a cat-scan. Well, my friend george waited a year to get a cat-scan , I guess I shouldn't complain. Lie on this narrow bed , my hands up , while they pass me through this metal donut and x-ray the heck out of me from all angles, no doubt creating a nifty three dimensional image. Can I see ? No.
All done. I have lunch , catch a bus home.

Wife is screaming at me. You have to go back. They want you immediately. Don't worry , a doctor left a note at the emergancy department.
Sigh. Call a taxi driver friend (There's a taxi strike going on at this time, but I have an in with a specific driver and he usually shows up in 5-15 min , a lot faster than even non strike times for a regular taxi company) and I'm off to the hospital again.
Ok. I'm back. Doc left a note. Here's my health card.
Note ? What note ? They search a message board full of notes they have pinned up there. No note.
Have a seat , luckily I remembered the name of the doctor, they just hunted him down and asked him.
While we're waiting, we'll just take some blood samples ... OWWWW !
I'm just beginning to hate these emergancy room nurses.
Oh , At this point I need to stop and mention something. Earlier in the day when I had my cat scan ? The nurse injected me with iodine. She didn't do the 321 count down. She waited for me to look away , and she'd been at this for years. I didn't feel a dang thing when the needle went in. Not even a little prick. She was an expert.
I REALLY am beginning to dislike these emergancy room nurses.
Several hours later , the doctors finally get around to me. And admit me . I'm now suddenly an inmate of this place. No warning, no chance to bring a change of underwear, nothing. The phone is on the wall around the corner. A porter will be down in a few moments to take you to this room. Get in this wheel chair. Welcome prisoner 999 (or whatever ) , you're coming with us.