My life sucks

It's cold out.
Its winter.
I feel down , and blue
I know that that is because I'm taking my meds properly and not cheating on them.
I felt good the other day , but discovered that it was because I'd forgotten to take my mid day meds.

I have to watch my breathing because I have a pulmonary embolsim and if I start panting too much it's gone berserk.

I have to check my fingers every day to make sure they don't tingle, because it means I've been on certain anti biotics too long and I should stop immeidately before the nerve damage (tingling) becomes permanent)

I have a nurse that comes every day to change the packing in my wound, caused by teh surgical removal of a large abcess. It hurts like heck and this has been going on for more than a month.

I'm on 6MP and Prednezone , both immuno suppresants that slow down my healing , so my belly doesn't keep on spitting out more abcesses and forceing me to have more operations.

Yesterday the nurse spotted a new abcess in my belly , despite the medication to prevent such things.

Sometimes I wonder why I bother.